Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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