That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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