forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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