So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
