don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize