Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
