No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
