Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
