I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
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