something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
