They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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