I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize