Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
