once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
