why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
