I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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