i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It was like giving head to a cactus.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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