dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
