We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
