the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
