Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
