you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
