I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
