I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
