he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
