You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
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