At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
