he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize