I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
