i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
