I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize