You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
tell me about the fingering
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