I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize