I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
