Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
this hospital has no fireball
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
