So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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