Don't make out with my wife yet
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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