i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
