my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
