I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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