Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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