Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize