It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I supernannyed him into submission
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
