I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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