Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
