he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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