We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
