Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You may now shotgun with the bride
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Randomize
