i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Small penises have feelings too.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize
