sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
