ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
