Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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