from now on my penis is your penis
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Randomize
