i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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