mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
