Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
