her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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