Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
