That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
