try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
