So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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