I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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