I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
