I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
