Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
