Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I hate all girls vehemently.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
