I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My dick has a subreddit
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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