i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
