I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
