babies were throwing up all over the place
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
