I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
