shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
It's just like the Real World with babies
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
