the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize