Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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