I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
