It's Friday. Sex?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
