I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize