Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
