"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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