Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
