she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize