if only i could text you this smell
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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