How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
