Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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