i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
