Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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