You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
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