I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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