Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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