You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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