super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize