she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
