i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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