Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
