I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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