how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
