i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
