cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You need a sexual gate keeper
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
