I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
